A Clockwork Orange Quotes

clockwork orange quotes

When it comes to Stanley Kubrick, you would be completely in the dark if you hadn’t yet watched A Clockwork Orange. Based on the dystopian novel by Anthony Burgess, the movie portrays a young man who’s been desensitized to violence and has thus become a sociopathic murderer and rapist, all in a very avant-garde/art-house sort of way. Some of the most memorable quotes are below.

Frank Alexander: Food alright?
Alex: Great sir, great!
Frank Alexander: Try the wine!

Alex: No time for the old in-out, love, I’ve just come to read the meter.

Alex: Eggiwegs! I would like… to smash them!

Alex: What we were after now was the old surprise visit. That was a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence.

Alex: We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night of no small expenditure.

[first lines]
Alex: There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie, and Dim, and we sat in the Korova Milkbar trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening. The Korova milkbar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

Alex: Well, well, well! Well if it isn’t fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!

[about his wife]
Frank Alexander: She was very badly raped, you see! We were assaulted by a gang of vicious, young, hoodlums in this house! In this very room you are sitting in now! I was left a helpless cripple, but for her the agony was too great! The doctor said it was pneumonia; because it happened some months later! During a flu epidemic! The doctors told me it was pneumonia, but I knew what it was! A VICTIM OF THE MODERN AGE! Poor, poor girl!

[Alex has just struck Dim on the legs]
Dim: What did you do that for?
Alex: For being a bastard with no manners, you haven’t a dook of an idea how to comport yourself public-wise, O my brother!
Dim: I don’t like you should do what you’ve done and I’m not your brother no more and wouldn’t want to be.
Alex: Watch that, do watch that O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou, dost wist?
Dim: Yarbles! Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I’ll meet you with chain or nozh or britva anytime. I’m not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands to reason, I won’t have it.
Alex: A nozh scrap anytime you say.
Dim: Doobiedoob, a bit tired maybe, best not to say more. Bedways is rightways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right-right?

Alex: As we walked along the flatblock marina, I was calm on the outside, but thinking all the time – Now it was to be Georgie the general, saying what we should do and what not to do, and Dim as his mindless greeding bulldog. But suddenly, I viddied that thinking was for the gloopy ones, and that the oomny ones use like, inspiration and what Bog sends. Now it was lovely music that came into my aid. There was a window open with the stereo on, and I viddied right at once what to do.

Alex: Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

[Alex chats up two girls sucking penis-shaped lollies]
Alex: Enjoying that are you my darlin’? Bit cold and pointless isn’t it my lovely? What’s happened to yours my little sister?

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: Appy-polly-loggies. I had something of a pain in my gulliver so I had to sleep. I was not awakened when I gave orders for awakening.

Alex: What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got, say, pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angels’ trumpets and devils’ trombones. You are invited!

Frank Alexander: Who on Earth could that be?
Mrs. Alexander: I’ll go and see.

Billy Boy: Lets get ’em boys!

[Alex encounters his old friends, who are now police]
Alex: It’s impossible! I can’t believe it!
Georgie: Evidence of the ol’ glassies! Nothing up our sleeves, no magic little Alex! A job for two who are now of job age! The police!

Alex: Hi, hi, hi there! At last we meet. Our brief govoreet through the letter-hole was not, shall we say, satisfactory, yes?

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: The Durango ’95 purred away a real horrowshow. A nice warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

P.R. Deltoid: I’ve just come from the hospital; your victim has died.
Alex: You try to frighten me. Admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture. Say it, Brother Sir.
P.R. Deltoid: It’ll be your own torture. I hope to God it’ll torture you to madness.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: You know what you can do with that watch? Stick it up your arse!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

[last lines]
Alex: I was cured, all right!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Prison Chaplain: If a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: I’ve suffered the tortures of the damned, sir
[with innocent reinforcement]
Alex: – tortures of the damned.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Chief Guard Barnes: Are you able to see the white line painted on the floor directly behind you, Six-Double-Five-Three-Two-One?
Alex: Yes, sir.
Chief Guard Barnes: Then your toes belong on the *other* side of it!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

[Staring at Alex’s penis]
Chief Guard Barnes: Are you now, or have you ever been a homosexual?

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Prison Chaplain: What’s it going to be, eh? Is it going to be in and out of institutions like this? Well, more in and out for most of ya! Or are you going to attend to the Divine Word and realise the punishments that await unrepentant sinners in the next world as well as this? A lot of idiots you are, selling your own birthright for a saucer of cold porridge! The thrill of theft! Of violence! The urge to live easy! Well, I ask you what is it worth when we have undeniable truth – yes! Incontrovertible evidence that Hell exists! I know! I know my friends! I have been informed in visions that there is a place darker than any prison, hotter than any flame of human fire, where souls of unrepentant criminal sinners like yourselves…!
[an inmate belches, prompting the rest to laugh]
Prison Chaplain: Don’t you laugh, damn you! Don’t you laugh! I say like yourselves scream in endless and unendurable agony! Their skin rotting and peeling! A fireball spinning in their screaming guts! I know! Oh yes, I know!
[Another inmate makes a raspberry noise, prompting them to laugh again]

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Chief Guard Barnes: Pick that up and put it down properly!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: What crime did you commit?
Alex: The accidental killing of a person, sir.
Chief Guard Barnes: He brutally murdered a woman, sir, in furtherance of theft. Fourteen years, sir!
Minister: Excellent. He’s enterprising, aggressive, outgoing, young, bold, vicious. He’ll do.
Governor: Well, fine, we could still look at C-block…
Minister: No, no, no. That’s enough. He’s perfect. I want his records sent to me. This vicious young hoodlum will be transformed out of all recognition.
Alex: Thank you very much for this chance, sir.
Minister: Let’s hope you make the most of it, my boy.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: No. No! NO! Stop it! Stop it, please! I beg you! This is sin! This is sin! This is sin! It’s a sin, it’s a sin, it’s a sin!
Dr. Brodsky: Sin? What’s all this about sin?
Alex: That! Using Ludwig van like that! He did no harm to anyone. Beethoven just wrote music!
Dr. Branom: Are you referring to the background score?
Alex: Yes.
Dr. Branom: You’ve heard Beethoven before?
Alex: Yes!
Dr. Brodsky: So, you’re keen on music?
Alex: YES!
Dr. Brodsky: Can’t be helped. Here’s the punishment element perhaps.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a-howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like this one was.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Van.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

[Listening to Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony]
Alex: Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

[Alex has the tramp pinned down]
Tramp: Go on, do me in you bastard cowards! I don’t want to live anyway,not in a stinking world like this one!
Alex: Oh? And what’s so stinking about it?

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Prison Chaplain: Choice! The boy has not a real choice, has he? Self-interest, the fear of physical pain drove him to that grotesque act of self-abasement. The insincerity was clear to be seen. He ceases to be a wrongdoer. He ceases also to be a creature capable of moral choice.
Minister: Padre, there are subtleties! We are not concerned with motives, with the higher ethics. We are concerned only with cutting down crime and with relieving the ghastly congestion in our prisons. He will be your true Christian, ready to turn the other cheek, ready to be crucified rather than crucify, sick to the heart at the thought of killing a fly. Reclamation! Joy before the angels of God! The point is that it works.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: It’s funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

“There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim. And we sat in the Korova Milkbar, trying to make up our razudoks what to do with the evening.”–Alex (Malcolm McDowell), the “humble narrator”

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear?
Alex: As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: Initiative comes to thems that wait.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: You seem to have a whole ward to yourself, my boy.
Alex: Yes, sir, and a very lovely place it is too, sir, when I wake up in the middle of the night with my pain.
Minister: Yes… well, good to see you on the mend!

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: Public opinion has a way of changing.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: Punishment means nothing to them, you can see that. They enjoy their so-called punishment.
Alex: You’re absolutely right, sir.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: You needn’t take it any further, sir. You’ve proved to me that all this ultraviolence and killing is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I’ve learned me lesson, sir. I’ve seen now what I’ve never seen before. I’m cured! Praise god!
Dr. Brodsky: You’re not cured yet, boy.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Minister: Oh, yes. I understand you’re fond of music. I have arranged a little surprise for you.
Alex: Surprise?
Minister: One that I hope that you will like. As a um… how shall we put it? As a symbol of our new understanding. An understanding between two friends.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

Alex: So I waited and, O my brothers, I got a lot better munching away at eggiwegs, and lomticks of toast and lovely steakiwegs and then, one day, they said I was going to have a very special visitor.
[the Minister enters]
Minister: Good evening, my boy.

– A Clockwork Orange Quotes

John Lennon Quotes

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
John Lennon Quotes

Guilt for being rich, and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn’t enough and you have to go and get shot or something.
John Lennon Quotes

He didn’t come out of my belly, but my God, I’ve made his bones, because I’ve attended to every meal, and how he sleeps, and the fact that he swims like a fish because I took him to the ocean. I’m so proud of all those things. But he is my biggest pride.
John Lennon Quotes

I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?
John Lennon Quotes

I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.
John Lennon Quotes

I don’t believe in killing whatever the reason!
John Lennon Quotes

I don’t know which will go first – rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity.
John Lennon Quotes

I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.
John Lennon Quotes

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
John Lennon Quotes

All we are saying is give peace a chance.
John Lennon Quotes

All you need is love.
John Lennon Quotes

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
John Lennon Quotes

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue with that; I’m right and I will be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first – rock and roll or Christianity.
John Lennon Quotes

Everybody loves you when you’re six foot in the ground.
John Lennon Quotes

Everything is clearer when you’re in love.
John Lennon Quotes

Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.
John Lennon Quotes

Possession isn’t nine-tenths of the law. It’s nine-tenths of the problem.
John Lennon Quotes

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
John Lennon Quotes

Rituals are important. Nowadays it’s hip not to be married. I’m not interested in being hip.
John Lennon Quotes

Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realised that the imagery in my mind wasn’t insanity. Surrealism to me is reality.
John Lennon Quotes

The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live? I mean, is there something wrong with society that’s making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?
John Lennon Quotes

The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred on me. However, few escape that distinction.
John Lennon Quotes

The more I see the less I know for sure.
John Lennon Quotes

The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you.
John Lennon Quotes

The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn’t the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.
John Lennon Quotes

Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.
John Lennon Quotes

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
John Lennon Quotes

Love is the answer, and you know that for sure; Love is a flower, you’ve got to let it grow.
John Lennon Quotes

Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.
John Lennon Quotes

Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.
John Lennon Quotes

My role in society, or any artist’s or poet’s role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all.
John Lennon Quotes

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about it.
John Lennon Quotes

If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.
John Lennon Quotes

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace.
John Lennon Quotes

If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that’s his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
John Lennon Quotes

If you tried to give rock and roll another name, you might call it ‘Chuck Berry’.
John Lennon Quotes

Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.
John Lennon Quotes

It doesn’t matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I’m a woman or a man.
John Lennon Quotes

It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You’d wake up in a concert and think, Wow, how did I get here?
John Lennon Quotes

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.
John Lennon Quotes

When you’re drowning, you don’t say ‘I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,’ you just scream.
John Lennon Quotes

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.
John Lennon Quotes

Yeah we all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun.
John Lennon Quotes

You don’t need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!
John Lennon Quotes

You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die.
John Lennon Quotes

There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
John Lennon Quotes

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
John Lennon Quotes

We were all on this ship in the sixties, our generation, a ship going to discover the New World. And the Beatles were in the crow’s nest of that ship.
John Lennon Quotes

We’re more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first, rock ‘n’ roll or Christianity.
John Lennon Quotes

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that’s a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
John Lennon Quotes

You’re just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You’ve got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It’s all down to you, mate.
John Lennon Quotes

WC Fields Quotes

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
WC Fields Quotes

Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
WC Fields Quotes

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
WC Fields Quotes

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
WC Fields Quotes

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
WC Fields Quotes

Here lies WC Fields Quotes. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
WC Fields Quotes

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
WC Fields Quotes

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
WC Fields Quotes

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
WC Fields Quotes

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.
WC Fields Quotes

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
WC Fields Quotes

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
WC Fields Quotes

Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
WC Fields Quotes

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
WC Fields Quotes

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
WC Fields Quotes

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
WC Fields Quotes

I’m free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
WC Fields Quotes

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
WC Fields Quotes

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
WC Fields Quotes

If there’s a will, prosperity can’t be far behind.
WC Fields Quotes

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.
WC Fields Quotes

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
WC Fields Quotes

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
WC Fields Quotes

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
WC Fields Quotes

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
WC Fields Quotes

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
WC Fields Quotes

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
WC Fields Quotes

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
WC Fields Quotes

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
WC Fields Quotes

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
WC Fields Quotes

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
WC Fields Quotes

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
WC Fields Quotes

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
WC Fields Quotes

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
WC Fields Quotes

There are only two real ways to get ahead today – sell liquor or drink it.
WC Fields Quotes

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
WC Fields Quotes

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
WC Fields Quotes

Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.
WC Fields Quotes

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
WC Fields Quotes

Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
WC Fields Quotes

On the whole, I’d rather be in Philidelphia.
WC Fields Quotes

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
WC Fields Quotes

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
WC Fields Quotes

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
WC Fields Quotes

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
WC Fields Quotes

Show me a great actor and I’ll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you’ve seen the devil.
WC Fields Quotes

Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
WC Fields Quotes

Never give a sucker an even break.
WC Fields Quotes

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
WC Fields Quotes

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.
WC Fields Quotes

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
WC Fields Quotes

I must have a drink of breakfast.
WC Fields Quotes

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
WC Fields Quotes

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
WC Fields Quotes

I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
WC Fields Quotes

I never met a kid I liked.
WC Fields Quotes

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
WC Fields Quotes

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
WC Fields Quotes

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
WC Fields Quotes

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
WC Fields Quotes

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
WC Fields Quotes

I drink therefore I am.
WC Fields Quotes

I like children – fried.
WC Fields Quotes

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
WC Fields Quotes

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, “Cold Turkey”, In These Times, May 10, 2004

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, “Cold Turkey”, In These Times, May 10, 2004

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, A Man without a Country

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before… He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, “Cat’s Cradle”

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, “Cold Turkey”, In These Times, May 10, 2004

Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, A Man without a Country

I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, A Man without a Country

During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldiers. Not one of them, however, had illusions that he had somehow accomplished something worthwhile in the process of making the Supreme Sacrifice.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Hocus Pocus

Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Interview, Mcsweeneys.net

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Mother Night

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn’t mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Slaughterhouse Five

All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Slaughterhouse V

How nice–to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Slaughterhouse-Five

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Cat’s Cradle

Here’s what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Cold Turkey

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Hocus Pocus

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Sirens of Titan

1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Breakfast of Champions

New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Breakfast of Champions

The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe, until it was too late, how heartless and greedy they were.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Breakfast of Champions

Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, breakfast of champions

I can have oodles of charm when I want to.

Kurt Vonnegut Quotes, Breakfast of Champions

Borat Quotes

Throw the Jew down the well,
So my country can be free,
You must grab him by the horns,
Then we have a big party.
-Borat Quotes

In U.S. and A. they treat horses like we in Kazakhstan treat our women. They feed them two times a day. They have them sleep on straw in a small box. And for entertainment, they make them jump over fences while being whipped.
-Borat Quotes

American wine is like Kazakhstani wine, but not made from fermented horse urine.
-Borat Quotes

Very sorry to interrupt politic. Might I make a shit in your house?

– Borat Quotes

Yakshemash! In US of A, democracy is very different from Kazakhstan. In America, woman *can* vote, but horse – *cannot*!
-Borat Quotes

My wife she is dead…she die in a field…she die from work, an accident, but is not important, I have a new wife.
-Borat Quotes

Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog.
-Borat Quotes

In Kazakhstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis.
-Borat Quotes

There are many job opportunities in the US and of A. For men, construction worker, taxi driver or accountant. For woman, prostitute.
-Borat Quotes

Kazakhstan is more civilised now. Women can now travel on inside of bus, and homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hat.
-Borat Quotes

America national sport is called baseballs. It very similar to our sport, shurik, where we take dogs, shoot them in a field and then have a party.
-Borat Quotes

But if she cheat on me, I will crush her!
-Borat Quotes

My wife, she is scared of men with chocolate face, there won’t be any around here?
-Borat Quotes

Jack Kerouac Quotes

All of life is a foreign country.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

All our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Avoid the world, it’s just a lot of dust and drag and means nothing in the end.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

A pain stabbed my heart as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

If moderation is a fault, then indifference is a crime.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

My witness is the empty sky.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Write in recollection and amazement for yourself.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

You can’t teach the old maestro a new tune.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

It is not my fault that certain so-called bohemian elements have found in my writings something to hang their peculiar beatnik theories on.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Mankind is like dogs, not gods – as long as you don’t get mad they’ll bite you – but stay mad and you’ll never be bitten. Dogs don’t respect humility and sorrow.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Maybe that’s what life is… a wink of the eye and winking stars.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Accept loss forever.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together.
Jack Kerouac Quotes

Dane Cook Quotes

Dane Cook Quotes and Jokes:
“If you have to be at work at 8, it’s always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lie there and go, “I can’t do anything! I can’t even have an English muffin!”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“Has anyone here ever been fully engulfed in fire? It’s gotta be so hot!”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I’m going to go out there and shake hands.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“Wouldn’t it be awesome just to come home and know that somewhere in your place there’s a monkey you’re gonna battle?”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, … I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he’s 50.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“I hate it when somebody turns around in my driveway. You’re just sitting comfortably watching T.V., you hear a car pulling up like “Who is this?!” It’s so disruptive you look out, strange car; you don’t know if it’s a Government official. You start getting concerned “What, I don’t know this car,” then they turn to leave you’re like “You son of a bitch, you wasted moments of my life! Moments I will never get back!”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“Nice teeth are a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don’t like it.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“When you swear to God, its true. Right now God is watching and saying, “this is true.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“I wish I had some superpowers. I was thinking about that the other day. Maybe quit comedy, fight some crime. Everybody wants to fly. That’s the number one power. If I could grant you a power, “Dane, I’d love to fly.” Yeah? Who doesn’t want to leave the show tonight and be like, “Alright I’ll catch you guys later.” *Shwwooosh* and zip up into the skies. “I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendor.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“One night after a show he gave me a gift. When I opened up the bag, he had made out of clay and dried macaroni, a model of the universe with the planets and everything. Then in the middle of the model was an action figure with my face on it. I was the center of his universe.”

Dane Cook Quotes

“I would still have old ladies come up to me after the show and pat me on the cheek after I had said all this vulgar stuff, … They would be like, ‘Oh you’re a silly boy – we know you’re just playing.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

You know what I’d like to be able to do more than anything else? I’d love to be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. *Pppthhh.* ‘Cause no one wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If I’m on a date with a girl and she’s very rude I’d be like, you know what? *PPpptthhh* Enjoy your spaghetti, you’re very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, ’cause you’re rude. *Pppttthh*… these are all dreams. These are all things we want to have. (To man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would you want? Anything right now? “Dah, Jesus.” You want to be Jesus? God you’re such an egotistical prick. He thinks he’s Jesus. Ah, Jesus. I’d love to cover him with spaghetti right now. *Ppppttthh* Enjoy your spaghetti, you’re very egotistical. Ahhh Christ… Not you.”

– Dane Cook Quotes

“When Napster first hit, I had a Website at the time, so I said, ‘I’m going to take 20 clips from my first CD and I’ll put them under comedy and jokes, and see what happens”

– Dane Cook Quotes

Dazed and Confused Quotes

Slater:“Fixin’ to be a lot better, man!”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Mike:“‘I voluntarily agree to not indulge in any alcohol, drugs, or engage in any other activity that may in any way jeopardize the years of hard work that we as a team have committed to a championship season in ’76’!”
Pink:“What bullsh*t.”
Tony::“You guys are actually signing this crap?”
Pink:“Apparently.”
Cynthia:“You guys, what are they gonna do next? Like give you urine tests or something?”
Mike:“You see, I just didn’t know that drugs and alcohol were such a big problem that they had to resort to neo-McCarthyism.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Tony:“There I am, and um I’m gettin’ it on, with this perfect female body. But…”
Mike:“What? What what?”
Tony:“I can’t say.”
Mike:“C’mon, man, you can’t get me built up like that and then not deliver. OK, c’mon, a perfect female body. It’s not a bad start.”
Tony:“But the head of Abraham Lincoln.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

later:“All right, check you later!”
Don:“Slater, man, why you always such a dork, man?”
Slater:“What are you talking about?”
Don:“‘Check you later! Check you later!'”
Slater:“Hey, man, get off my case, man!”
Don:“Chicks don’t wanna here that sh*t!”
Slater:“Chicks don’t wanna here anything, man. The girls in our classes, they’re all prudes, man. It’s the girls ahead of us, man. They were wild! Our class, they’re worthless, man!”
Don:“Well maybe you’ve just never got past the sniffing butts stage, that’s what that sounds like to me!”
Slater:“Hey, man, it’s quality not quantity, and, and, and just wait ’til I get to college.”
Don:“Yeah, when I get to college all I’m gonna do is bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang!”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Slater:“You cool man?”
Mitch:“Like, how?”
Slater:(chuckles)”OK.”
Pink:“He was just aking if you get high.”
Mitch:“Oh, you mean like, smoke pot?”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Tony:“You’re not going to law school? So what do you want to do?”
Mike:“I wanna dance!!”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Darla:“Like, what did she say? I’m just interested. I think it’s funny. I mean, what does she call me?”
Simone:“You hang out with her. You know it. I mean, we know they talk about us.”
Shavonne:“Nothing.”
Simone:“We don’t care.”
Darla:“Oh, c’mon, nothing?! That’s a lie when you do that. I mean, I know you’re lying you b*tch!”
Shavonne:“You swear you’re not gonna get mad?”
Darla:“No, we’re not gonna get mad! I think it’s a riot. I don’t care what she thinks.”
Simone:“C’mon, tell us!”
Shavonne:“All right, all right. She called you a b*tch and you a slut.”
Simone:“A slut? She called me a slut?! Oh, that b*itch! I’m gonna kick her ass!”
Shavonne:“I thought you said you weren’t gonna get mad.”
Simone:“I’m not mad.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Teacher:“OK, guys, one more thing. Hey, this summer when you’re being inendated with all this bi-centennial, fourth of July, bru-ha-ha just remember what you’re celebrating. That’s the fact that a bunch of slave-owning aristocratic white males did’nt want to pay their taxes.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Raye:“and there you all were in class trying to list all the Gilligan’s Island episodes without even a hint of irony.”
Shavonne:“What in the hell are you talking about, girl?”
Kaye:“You weren’t thinking about it, were you?” <
Shavonne:“Gilligan’s Island?”
Kaye:“It’s what’s called the male pornographic fantasy.”
Shavonne:“Oh my..”
Kaye:“Think about it. You’re basically alone on a deserted island with two readily available women. One, a seductive sex goddess type, the other, a healthy girl next door type with a nice butt. So guys have it all, the madonna and the whore. Women get nothing. We get a geeky guy, an overweight middle aged guy, and some nerdy scientific type. I mean–”
Jodi:“The professor is sexy.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Pink:“I mean, how many times have you gotten laid strictly because you’re a football player?”
Don:“I don’t know. A few, probably.”
Pink:“Don, all I’m saying is I bet we could do just as well if we were in a band or something.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Wooderson:“I love those red heads, man!”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Wooderson:“Well listen, you oughtta ditch the two geeks you’re in the car with now and get in the car with us. But that’s all right, we’ll worry about that later.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Slater:“Listen, I’m gonna give you shotgun, but I want you to know that it’s only because I’m going inside. You keep that in mind.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Wooderson:“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Tommy:“We’re in the big time now! We’re freshmen, where all the girls will be putting out!”

– Dazed and Confused Quotes

Will Michael Alig be Released Soon?

For the past fifteen years, club kids abound have been wondering when their icon Michael Alig will be released. According to his good friend Lovepurple, he is waiting on the word regarding how much “Good Time” he’s receiving. Good Time in prison and jail land is time off from your sentence. You receive Good Time for attending classes consecutively for a month — Every month you attend all classes in a given subject (anger management, substance abuse, alcoholics anonymous, domestic violence, etc) most prisons and jails give you 2.5 days off your sentence. According to an article by Black Book Magazine The prison system wants Michael Alig to attend a drug abuse program for six months after he gets out in order to be released on parole. Lovepurple says “Hopefully that will be in the late summer of 2010. This isn’t in stone, but it’s what he’s been told.”

Read the full article at http://www.blackbookmag.com/article/alig-update-a-new-hope/15517

The Jane Whitney Show

Jane Whitney was a talk show host in the early 1990s who hosted The Jane Whitney Show. Among her guests were GG Allin and Michael Alig and the Club Kids. She was known for walking around barefoot during the filming of the show because it was easier for her to move.

While short-live, the Jane Whitney Show had some extreme and bizarre guests. Below are some clips:

GG Allin

Michael Alig and Club Kids

Teen Crossdressers