After seeing him perform a conflicted lawman in Dexter, it’s no wonder that Jimmy Smits would end up getting involved in the hit FX series Sons of Anarchy now. Rumor has it that Smits is slated to be a new mentor for Jax, the main protagonist of the show, as Jax struggles to move SAMCRO out of the gun running business and become a more legit business and more peaceful motorcycle club. Smits’ new role as Neron “Nero” Padilla acts as a harsh influence on Jax, pushing him to keep the club an outlaw club while Nero has his own exit strategy from the latino gang he is affiliated with.

What is notable about this character’s differences from all of Smits’ other TV personas in L.A. Law, NYPD Blue, and Dexter is that he is not acting on the side of the law this time and will not don a shirt and tie anymore — his suit is replaced with tattoos, leather and gang patches. It should be interesting to see him finally run a new TV persona for a whole season. Will he make it beyond this season? Watch to find out!

There are some great new shows and new seasons coming this April 2012

7. Magic City (series premiere, April 6th) – This Starz channel noir throwback features a 1960s Miami Beach setting where producer Mitch Glazer (Lost in Translation, Scrooged, The Recruit) has set a release date for April 6th. While the timeslot is a Friday night in spring (not the best timeslot), the storyline has incredible potential. Picture all your favorite noir topics: drugs, criminal underworld, gambling, strip clubs and prostitutes..

And now picture it in a 1960s Miami Beach night club, with the swank and swoon of that classic time period we have all recently gotten a good taste of from Mad Men, and you got yourself an instant hit.

6. The Big C (season three, April 8th 2012) – I wasn’t blown away by this show at first, but it really has a life of its own. The characters all have quite a bit of depth and the storyline, while is often far-fetched, is contrived and realized in a way that leaves you rooting for the characters. It sits at #6 on this list, though, because the following programs blow it out of the water..

5. Nurse Jackie (season four, April 8th, 2012) – It was said by Variety Magazine that Nurse Jackie was “all style and no substance”, but that has to be the dumbest criticism of a TV show. First off, a show is meant to entertain and that is how you should judge it. From where I’m sitting, Nurse Jackie is a deluge of substance: character development, real-world issues, and the viewer’s love/hate relationship with a witty, possibly amoral person who feels almost too-human at times. The show only lacks a solid direction, but substance is overflowing here. Anyway, if people have trouble turning it off then that means it’s entertaining, no? I personally had to watch all episodes of every season in one sitting.

4. The Borgias (season two) – There is, right now, no other show on TV that fits this genre. It’s entirely unique and tells the story of the Spanish/Italian Papal Family in all it’s crooked glory. The first season proved to enormously overshadow showtimes other series of the same genre The Tudors in that it showcased a much higher skill of acting from all fronts. From the wardrobe to the style to the direction and writing, this show has serious class.

3. Breaking Bad (season five, series conclusion) – Ok, this one doesn’t start until July, but it’s still very much worth mentioning now. While you’re out jetskiing, surfing, sailing, or any other water sports your summer entails, you’ll be missing the concluding season of one of the best shows on television. Thank god for Tivo! Walter Sr. is said to make the ultimate sacrifice and determines the fate of himself, his family and Jesse Pinkman once and for all in this exciting AMC drama.

2. Mad Men (season 5) – After a year off, Mad Men returned to AMC March 25th with their fifth season, which showcased the intimacy of Donald Draper and his new wife Megan Draper, including a party where Megan sings a sassy, burlesque-like song in French in one of the most unforgettable scenes on television this year. The style on this is through the roof and it’s no wonder Mad Men has received so much critical acclaim.

1. Game of Thrones (season two, April 2nd 2012) – Like millions of people around the country, I was a big, big fan of Lost and didn’t think it was possible for a show of that caliber to ever come around again — until I saw Game of Thrones. From the cinematography to the story arc to the direction and imagination of the original author and creator George R. R. Martin, there is seriously no other show that comes close to how moving, awe-inspiring, addicting and (ultimately) highly entertaining as this fantasy set in a mythical, medieval world. If you haven’t seen series one yet, you should drop everything you’re doing now and go watch it. Because I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone, all I want to say is NED STARK.

Bored To Death and How To Make It In America were two great shows that HBO completely ditched for no good reason. 2.5 million viewers an episode is not bad by cable standards at all, and that is what How To Make It In America was averaging. consider the fact that the CW houses Nikita at 1.5 million an episode on Friday nights, a horrible timeslot on a network tv channel, and the same goes for Fringe on Fox. all HBO had to do was move these shows to another night or time on Sunday and give it a go, but to completely cancel either of these shows is very inappropriate by cable rating standards because cable ratings are typically much lower than network tv ratings.

the big loss, however, is putting the hipster scene on TV. both shows showcased this lifestyle, How To Make It In America more overtly and Bored To Death more subtlely. on one level it’s a win for the underground scene so that How To Make It In America’s basterdized Vice Magazine font and iphone photo style isn’t procreated anymore on national television, leaving it as an in-the-know-only aspect of the NYC party scene, but on another level that is exactly what How To Make It In America was about: two guys from the new york hipster party scene who were sick of being broke and trying to make something of themselves in America’s center of fashion. this is what made the show one of a kind and a perfectly valid, even important contribution to popular culture. sure, there is America’s Next Top Model and other horrid reality shows that feature New York fashion, but none that grasp hipsters so well — from architects to designers to fine artists, it’s a side of New York that hasn’t ever been showcased is such a way on television. maybe that was a turn off to people who in reality embody the subject matter themselves, or maybe those people were just too busy partying and being cool to watch the show. but just as Entourage caught the essence of making it as a Hollywood star in Los Angeles, How To Make It In America was truly capturing NYC fashion dreams circa 2011.

as for Bored To Death, it was a ridiculous show with a ridiculous plot and three ridiculous lead characters that never ceased to incite a long continuous stream of laughter from me and anyone else I know who watched the show. this show was rife with brooklyn scenery and carried three random concepts that when thrown together make a rather creative and thought-provoking television show: noir, anti-ageism, and comic book penises. the sleuth-driven storytelling in the new york setting has surprisingly not been done in quite a while, at least not in the throwback sense. mixing it with comedy carried Who Framed Roger Rabbit nostalgia without the cartoons, although Super Ray more than makes up for that even if it’s only just a few shots of comic book frames now and then — the concept behind it is integrated well enough into the series that Super Ray is hard to forget. the best part about the show, however, was the unprejudiced interaction between younger people and older people. it showed how age doesn’t need to stand in the way of good friendships or even sexual relationships. this concept even extended to different classes since the main character was a popular and successful writer who often mingled with criminals through his work, while Ted Danson’s character ran a respected magazine during the day and smoked pot with a private investigator and a comic book artist at night. of course, the best part of the show was Zach Galifinakis as a supporting character whose charisma and comedic talent are not yet getting tired. to be fair, Bored To Death had a three-season run, which is only a little more than consequential to say the least. but taking it off the air entirely is definitely depriving America of a truly creative and original show, one that I would feel sideswiped if topped by any new shows in 2012.

The Day The Show Dug Deeper Into Its Contrived Sci-Fi Hole, is more like it.

Joshua Jackson finally starts to act a little bit in Friday night’s season finale of Fringe. His usual [bad] Fox Mulder-rip-off mumble actually disappears for a short while when he expresses loss, regret and excitement for possibly the first time ever since the beginning of the show in 2008. We won’t bore you with spoiler details, but this really isn’t the interesting aspect of the finale.

The Observers’ role in the show returns into view after a Lost-like time-warp occurs as seen at the end of the previous episode and drags us through a steampunk fashioned what-if future version of all our favorite characters. The writers are obviously having fun, but sadly at the expense of their audience. Just like the season two finale, the storyline is rushed so much that I’m pretty thankful I gave up considering this show a worthy watch last year.  While the whole of season three has been….interesting….there is pretty much nothing going on that resembles the first season at all.  The writers have basically completely ditched the “monster of the week” fun that gave us the MIT time-travel transhuman, the teleporting German, and of course all the mystery behind Massive Dynamic and the plot to destroy the universe by the underground terrorist cell.  In fact, I can say with confidence that as soon as they revealed the answers to all the mystery I lost all interest in the show.  Now, the show has become a smorgasbord of how far they can take the plot (not far at all) instead of using the mystery they once had to intertwine all sorts of common questions about the universe we all have to slowly unravel the plot. I’m actually really saddened by the whole thing and have decided that there’s a difference between J.J. Abram’s awesome interest in puzzles, sci-fi, conspiracies and the unknown and his ability to produce a good show. Undercovers is a good example of the thoughtless crap he is capable of attempting and failing at.  And at this point, I think it’s safe to say the only exemplary show he’s had a hand in is Lost, and that is probably because he had the help of better producers and writers than himself. (Honestly, J.J., just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you have any talent. Try a writing class or even borrowing a book on it from the library once in a while. You’re not a bad actor, though — your performance in Six Degrees of Separation was pretty great — you should have stuck to that).

The one thing that keeps me watching the show is John Noble’s two characters and performance. This is clearly one of the most talented actors of our time and the only one on the show that never gives a bad performance or loses his character. The possession of Olivia’s body by William Bell was an interesting concept, but Anna Torv’s performance of it was only C+, while her return to natural Olivia ended up being irritating at best.

All in all, they’ve destroyed this show and it’s an utter surprise that it’s gotten renewed. I’ll still watch out of curiosity, but only if I happen to catch a rerun. D -

One of the best shows on television this fall is Californication. It’s currently in its third season and has snagged an audience out from the trenches of bad television into the line of fire for good, dirty humor that even kids who stay up past their bedtimes can sneak a giggle at. On that point, the potty humor here is beyond anything you will have ever seen, even Family Guy since Californication is aired on a pay channel (Showtime). Yes, there is definitely no show that compares to this which has made me simultaneously laugh and barf quite a few times. And what am I referring to, those of you who’ve never seen the show? Oh let’s just say Hank Moody (David Duchovny’s character) barfing on a painting and then using the it to cover his nude self, letting the barf drool off the painting as he holds it vertically over his genitals in reaction to being caught smoking marijuana with a lady friend after sex.  And let’s not forget Charlie Runkle (Evan Handler) getting sprayed in the face from female ejaculation during a threesome with Hank (yes, they showed this). Both of these episodes happening in the first season, more shock value than entertainment I bet you’re thinking, but like other viewers I have to say, “No really, you have to see this episode.”

I don’t say it’s a great show because of the dirty jokes, though. It’s, surprisingly, the writing, the pacing and the delivery that really works. David Duchovny is truly on point throughout the whole show and you can tell, at times, that they’re all really having a great time filming it.  In fact, at times you could swear there is real drug usage going on (especially when Marcy and Charlie show up to a dinner party on Ecstacy) and the love between the characters is very believable, earthy, something you might actually expect from people living the Californian lifestyle.

The show derives its name from the general term for the lifestyles, fashion, and themes of California spreading throughout the U.S. and has been used as the title of a song and album by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (after they first battled with avant-garde rock group Mr. Bungle over the name California).  The protagonist, Hank Moody, is a New York writer in a mid-life crisis who manages to fuck away his worries at any chance he gets, and chances does he get!

Of course, between raising a teenager and attempting to get her mother back as his gal, he has to avoid getting caught in this awkward scenario or that losing scenario. Hank’s conceited, self-centered and at times misogynist attitude is alawys overshadowed by his charisma and knack for finding just the right words to turn a girl on, even if they’re dirty.

While the theme song is rather hokey and cliche, it’s fitting and the rest of the soundtrack tends to make up for it:  from Seattle sounds to old school Woodstock era favorites, you usually feel like you’re experiencing exactly what the characters are going through and exactly where they’re going through it.

A++

Let’s face it, the best thing about Showtime’s Californication is Hank Moody’s swift wit and dialogue, imbued with one-liners and flirtatious zings. Here are all the best Hank Moody quotes I could find! Will update upon each new episode..

“To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?”

“You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it’s not gentlemanly. ”

“You’re looking at me like I just finger-banged your cat.”

“Oh, look at the time…. The big hand says F**k, and the little hand says Off….. Good thing there’s not a second hand. I’m goin’ in.”

“I won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.”

“I love women. I have all their albums.”

“A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness..”

“Well, you should’ve called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you coulda left a message, which I would’ve quickly erased.”

“Oh, and it’d be nice if I could fellate myself while farting the White album, but I haven’t quite mastered that yet.”

“You sure you don’t have a grabass appointment with an alter boy?”

“What did I do? I handled the f*** outta that shit!”

“Consider yourself defiled..”

“Rectum… Damn near killed ‘em..”

“A BRONER!!! An unintentional male inspired b*ner.. thats the word I’m looking for”

“Life is too short to dance with fat girls”

“I consider that whole area, general area, like from my knees to my nipples… cock.”

Hank Moody: Funky back-tat on the small of the back there, you know what that means.
Charlie: No
Hank Moody: She likes it in the pooper.
Charlie: Really?
Hank Moody: I have no idea, I just wanted to say pooper.

“Just because something is bleak doesn’t necessarily make it true.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed.”

Trixie: So what are your thoughts of rehab?
Hank Moody: Rehab is for quitters.

“Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they’re all down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation?”

“Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m going to have to report you – for giving me a serious boner.”

“She’s not much one for chatting – texting, yes – twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man. ”

“Wine is fine but whisky’s quicker”

“Oh, I don´t know.. I thought I´d start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit,maybe go for a run or maybe I´ll just jerk off and go back to bed”

“Women know within the first few seconds of meeting a guy whether they want to marry him, fuck him or kill him.”

“I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. While I’m down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge 70′s playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me I’m performing cunnalingus on an adult.”

“I’m declaring a jihad on your pussy!”

Hank: Don’t you remember I’m an asshole ?
Meredith: I’m an attorney
Hank: Oh, then we’re both assholes.

“Instead of finding out your husband was gay, you could’ve found out he was a Scientologist…or a Nazi. Or Al-Qaeda. See that’s what I love about LA. It’s the diversity.”

“It might be nice if I could fellate myself while farting ‘The White Album’ but I haven’t quite been able to master that yet.”

“Your assistant makes me want to touch myself in a bad place”

Becca: Dad, are you ok?
Hank: No, but i’m working on it

“I love you Karen…and I want to spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of you.”

Hank into mirror: “Nobody likes you ..you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile you fuckin’ douche.”

“….and as my family moves on, I drown in a sea of pointless pussy.”

“You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. And out of doors is a place where penises don’t generally fare well. So my homeless dick now must seek shelter where and whence it can.”

Charlie: “You’ve owed your publisher a book since Becca was breastfeeding. I remember this because I used to watch.”
Hank: “Kiss my black ass”

“That’s right, I said it, I meant it, I’m here to represent it.”

“Your mouth tastes like a hobo’s taint.”

“I have found that the back tat is the watermark of the promiscuous.”

“She takes after her mother. The make-up and the slutty clothes.”

“How can you be so fucking beautiful and so fucking wrong?”

“All those things that weren’t supposed to happen? They happened. What happens next is up to you.”

“Could I get a jumbo order of what the fuck were you thinking”

“I went there to kick his ass, and I stayed to soak up his wisdom.”

“Hey, it’s you isn’t it, I made a mess of your bush this morning.”

Kevin Corrigan of The Departed fame joins the Californication cast on this gender-bending episode, starring David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a not-so-starving writer struggling to win over his daughter and win back his ex-girlfriend. The Showtime comedy-drama often dispels into the vastness of sexual escapades as Hank’s charm and wit proceed him, never failing to induce a chuckling and a flirt from the ladies. This episode is no exception when Mike (Kevin Corrigan), an old friend of Hank’s from New York, comes to visit L.A. while at the same time Hank’s daughter Becca visits Karen in New York. Meanwhile, Charlie Runkle, writer’s agent extraordinaire (that’s sarcasm), has a blast from the recent past that lands him the bearer of bashful news when his wife Marcy senses something is up.

When I watch Californication, the only thing wrong I find with this show is the theme song. The writing is hilarious, the acting is more than pleasant, and this particular episode is one that ends with full-hearted love from the Californication cast, something the show generally has an easy time pulling off with its hippie-love California vibe diet. Most of the time, it’s full of fantasies that could potentially make you go “Nah, THAT would never happen!” But then again, some guys got all the fun, and Hank Moody is notoriously one of them.

Watch Californication online at:

http://www.surfthechannel.com/video/314/1263373.html