One of the best shows on television this fall is Californication. It’s currently in its third season and has snagged an audience out from the trenches of bad television into the line of fire for good, dirty humor that even kids who stay up past their bedtimes can sneak a giggle at. On that point, the potty humor here is beyond anything you will have ever seen, even Family Guy since Californication is aired on a pay channel (Showtime). Yes, there is definitely no show that compares to this which has made me simultaneously laugh and barf quite a few times. And what am I referring to, those of you who’ve never seen the show? Oh let’s just say Hank Moody (David Duchovny’s character) barfing on a painting and then using the it to cover his nude self, letting the barf drool off the painting as he holds it vertically over his genitals in reaction to being caught smoking marijuana with a lady friend after sex.  And let’s not forget Charlie Runkle (Evan Handler) getting sprayed in the face from female ejaculation during a threesome with Hank (yes, they showed this). Both of these episodes happening in the first season, more shock value than entertainment I bet you’re thinking, but like other viewers I have to say, “No really, you have to see this episode.”

I don’t say it’s a great show because of the dirty jokes, though. It’s, surprisingly, the writing, the pacing and the delivery that really works. David Duchovny is truly on point throughout the whole show and you can tell, at times, that they’re all really having a great time filming it.  In fact, at times you could swear there is real drug usage going on (especially when Marcy and Charlie show up to a dinner party on Ecstacy) and the love between the characters is very believable, earthy, something you might actually expect from people living the Californian lifestyle.

The show derives its name from the general term for the lifestyles, fashion, and themes of California spreading throughout the U.S. and has been used as the title of a song and album by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (after they first battled with avant-garde rock group Mr. Bungle over the name California).  The protagonist, Hank Moody, is a New York writer in a mid-life crisis who manages to fuck away his worries at any chance he gets, and chances does he get!

Of course, between raising a teenager and attempting to get her mother back as his gal, he has to avoid getting caught in this awkward scenario or that losing scenario. Hank’s conceited, self-centered and at times misogynist attitude is alawys overshadowed by his charisma and knack for finding just the right words to turn a girl on, even if they’re dirty.

While the theme song is rather hokey and cliche, it’s fitting and the rest of the soundtrack tends to make up for it:  from Seattle sounds to old school Woodstock era favorites, you usually feel like you’re experiencing exactly what the characters are going through and exactly where they’re going through it.

A++

Let’s face it, the best thing about Showtime’s Californication is Hank Moody’s swift wit and dialogue, imbued with one-liners and flirtatious zings. Here are all the best Hank Moody quotes I could find! Will update upon each new episode..

“To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?”

“You can’t snort a line of coke off a woman’s ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it’s not gentlemanly. ”

“You’re looking at me like I just finger-banged your cat.”

“Oh, look at the time…. The big hand says F**k, and the little hand says Off….. Good thing there’s not a second hand. I’m goin’ in.”

“I won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.”

“I love women. I have all their albums.”

“A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness..”

“Well, you should’ve called. I wouldn’t have answered, but you coulda left a message, which I would’ve quickly erased.”

“Oh, and it’d be nice if I could fellate myself while farting the White album, but I haven’t quite mastered that yet.”

“You sure you don’t have a grabass appointment with an alter boy?”

“What did I do? I handled the f*** outta that shit!”

“Consider yourself defiled..”

“Rectum… Damn near killed ‘em..”

“A BRONER!!! An unintentional male inspired b*ner.. thats the word I’m looking for”

“Life is too short to dance with fat girls”

“I consider that whole area, general area, like from my knees to my nipples… cock.”

Hank Moody: Funky back-tat on the small of the back there, you know what that means.
Charlie: No
Hank Moody: She likes it in the pooper.
Charlie: Really?
Hank Moody: I have no idea, I just wanted to say pooper.

“Just because something is bleak doesn’t necessarily make it true.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed.”

Trixie: So what are your thoughts of rehab?
Hank Moody: Rehab is for quitters.

“Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they’re all down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation?”

“Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I’m going to have to report you – for giving me a serious boner.”

“She’s not much one for chatting – texting, yes – twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man. ”

“Wine is fine but whisky’s quicker”

“Oh, I don´t know.. I thought I´d start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit,maybe go for a run or maybe I´ll just jerk off and go back to bed”

“Women know within the first few seconds of meeting a guy whether they want to marry him, fuck him or kill him.”

“I probably won’t go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. While I’m down there it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. I’m not talking about a huge 70′s playboy bush or anything, just something that reminds me I’m performing cunnalingus on an adult.”

“I’m declaring a jihad on your pussy!”

Hank: Don’t you remember I’m an asshole ?
Meredith: I’m an attorney
Hank: Oh, then we’re both assholes.

“Instead of finding out your husband was gay, you could’ve found out he was a Scientologist…or a Nazi. Or Al-Qaeda. See that’s what I love about LA. It’s the diversity.”

“It might be nice if I could fellate myself while farting ‘The White Album’ but I haven’t quite been able to master that yet.”

“Your assistant makes me want to touch myself in a bad place”

Becca: Dad, are you ok?
Hank: No, but i’m working on it

“I love you Karen…and I want to spend the rest of my life annoying the shit out of you.”

Hank into mirror: “Nobody likes you ..you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile you fuckin’ douche.”

“….and as my family moves on, I drown in a sea of pointless pussy.”

“You kicked my dick out of the house. You made my dick homeless. And out of doors is a place where penises don’t generally fare well. So my homeless dick now must seek shelter where and whence it can.”

Charlie: “You’ve owed your publisher a book since Becca was breastfeeding. I remember this because I used to watch.”
Hank: “Kiss my black ass”

“That’s right, I said it, I meant it, I’m here to represent it.”

“Your mouth tastes like a hobo’s taint.”

“I have found that the back tat is the watermark of the promiscuous.”

“She takes after her mother. The make-up and the slutty clothes.”

“How can you be so fucking beautiful and so fucking wrong?”

“All those things that weren’t supposed to happen? They happened. What happens next is up to you.”

“Could I get a jumbo order of what the fuck were you thinking”

“I went there to kick his ass, and I stayed to soak up his wisdom.”

“Hey, it’s you isn’t it, I made a mess of your bush this morning.”

Kevin Corrigan of The Departed fame joins the Californication cast on this gender-bending episode, starring David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a not-so-starving writer struggling to win over his daughter and win back his ex-girlfriend. The Showtime comedy-drama often dispels into the vastness of sexual escapades as Hank’s charm and wit proceed him, never failing to induce a chuckling and a flirt from the ladies. This episode is no exception when Mike (Kevin Corrigan), an old friend of Hank’s from New York, comes to visit L.A. while at the same time Hank’s daughter Becca visits Karen in New York. Meanwhile, Charlie Runkle, writer’s agent extraordinaire (that’s sarcasm), has a blast from the recent past that lands him the bearer of bashful news when his wife Marcy senses something is up.

When I watch Californication, the only thing wrong I find with this show is the theme song. The writing is hilarious, the acting is more than pleasant, and this particular episode is one that ends with full-hearted love from the Californication cast, something the show generally has an easy time pulling off with its hippie-love California vibe diet. Most of the time, it’s full of fantasies that could potentially make you go “Nah, THAT would never happen!” But then again, some guys got all the fun, and Hank Moody is notoriously one of them.

Watch Californication online at:

http://www.surfthechannel.com/video/314/1263373.html