True Blood Season 3 Premiere: Behold The Naked Tooth

Vampire mania still ravages the imagination of the American public! The returning episode of HBO’s True Blood is riding the bloody wave of our fair nation’s sexual fantasies with just about as much nudity, homo-eroticism and perverse, blatant sinning as the entire last season.

Judging by the noticeable increase in muscle mass on three of the leading men, I’d say the show is well aware of what the fans want to see. Vampire Eric(played by Alexander Skarsgård) has a butt that is truly inhuman, and.. well… maybe you should just look at the hypnotic, NSFW animated gif. I am not even gay, but I can’t stop watching it. Jeez.

Oh, speaking of gayness – guess which 2 male actors come just about THIS close to kissing? I won’t spoil it for you, but I am not making this dialogue up: “I heard the water in Alabama is hard…”

You know what? I am just take a moment to list some other sexy one liners:

“I’m in no mood for lesbian weirdness tonight, Pam!”

“If we’re gonna be roommates there’s a certain amount of pussy overflow you’ll have to deal with.”

“Spit some in his mouth.”

“Conscience off, dick on! Say it!”

Yeah… if you are just tuning in to watch True Blood last Sunday, you are probably wondering what this show is about, aside from Louisiana being full of the horniest people alive. Based on The Southern Vampire Diaries, by Charlaine Harris, True Blood destroys the laughably safe way vampires have been portrayed in the Twilight universe, and can show more gore( and you know… boobies) than CW network’s The Vampire Diaries.

HBO offers the entire back catalog of episodes, including the mini-episodes it teased audiences with for months, leading up the last Sunday’s. If you haven’t already, get way into it! You have a few days to catch up before next Sunday’s episode. Watch it with someone you lust after!